Alright, so this came up from a few discussions and personal responses I've received to previous writings. So I've decided to start a series, "Confessions from a Person of Color." These are things that I've always wanted to find a way to express to some white people. This blossomed into receiving confessions from other people. So now these aren't entirely personal to me, but are also things that I've heard from others. The intention is to create dialogue. If you have a comment, you can send me a message personally, or if you'd like to be anonymous, you can post comments at http://whatwouldjohncollierdo.blogspot.com/. If you'd like something to be included, please write me a message. I will be posting a confession about every week or so. Please share with others and please share dialogue with others as well. Thank you!
Sometimes, the weight of the world really is on your shoulders and you will probably never know what that feels like.
No matter where are, it’s hard to ignore the feeling that people expect you to be a certain way because of your race – whether you’re the exception or the stereotype. And so sometimes how well I do on a test, or where I am in my graduating class, or even the fact that I graduate from high school can put me in separate places in your mind.
And the truth is that sometimes I don’t want to be the ‘one that got out.’ Or ‘the one that fell through the cracks.’ I am not a personification of affirmative action. And I am not an automatic failure. But sometimes the friends get to you and tell you that you’re suddenly too good for them. And sometimes your family gets to you and tells you that you’re the future for them. And sometimes your community gets to you and says you abandoned them. And sometimes the media gets to you and you’re afraid of looking or sounding like an idiot. Every word we say can mean the difference between being Van Jones and Antoin Dodson. We carry those weights every day. Deciding whether or not we’re going to be ‘that black guy’ or ‘just an Indian.’ We carry decisions that have the expectations of entire communities and races of people on them.
And the harsher truth is that you will probably never feel that. You have an advantage that gives you freedom to move within the power structure that permeates this nation. You wonder why not all black guys can succeed like Barack, and why not all black guys talk like Morgan Freeman. You wonder why reservations are so poor and why there are community centers on university campuses. You wonder why we can’t make it. But for us every decision has a consequence, and you will mark those in your mind and continue to wonder why we are so ‘obsessed’ with race. And we will continue to wonder why you haven’t started to think about the consequences of your actions.
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